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Sunday, October 04, 2009



An abusive marriage is not an option. Any abuse, verbal, physical or sexual, in a marriage is non-negotiable. First, recognise that you have the right to protect yourself. Then seek support from family and friends. If tricky matters of law or money are involved, seek professional help right away.

Be Firm And Assertive Right From The Beginning
Say you will not stand for it and mean it. This will force the man to review his behaviour. Not accommodating abusive behaviour will prevent it from becoming a regular pattern. Define a boundary and come to an agreement to keep your space.

Don't Personalise It
The abuse is not a reflection of you: it is a reflection of abuser. No one has the right to abuse you. If the marriage has gone awry, recorgnising that you have the capacity to end it and nurture other relationships can be a big reinforcing factor.

Don't Be In A Hurry To Get Over The Trauma
There should be grieving, so allow yourself some time for things to get back to normal. Cry, be angry-these are normal reaction that will help you overcome you trauma.

Don't Take It Out On Others
Don't misdirect your anger. Realising when you are doing it and knowing that it is harming others relationships is key.

Don't Become Sceptical Of Your Judgement
Most victims of abusive relationships will develop fear- when he concept of marriage as a safe, intimate relationship where you can trust the other person is violated, it shakes one's trust. Give yourself enough time to develop other relationships.Involve friends and family because they can be objective aboutissues that concern you.

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